QFI Ender Bender 2017


Venue: Cosmopolitan Club, Mount Road (near Devi Theatre)
Date: Saturday, December 16, 2017
Time: 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. approx.

Dress Code: Shoes, trousers and collared shirts for men; no attire regulations for women.

Fee: Rs 1,000, which will go towards the cost of the venue and the snacks and lunch. Drinks can be bought with cash on the day.

Signup using this form: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfegtmEdivafYp1LA0N9A1olAGdRk1hd4DCsTmLb7PjpbOA4Q/viewform

My Fellow Quizzers,

As we approach the holiday season — although why call it the holiday season, it’s the Christmas season, the world began 2,000 years ago with a mother, a father, and their baby son — although not really THEIR son, he was the son of another Father, but not that he was illegitimate, that’s just something the Failing New York Times called him, or should I say Him — so as we approach the CHRISTMAS season, I just want to point out some of the ways I have been able to Make Answering Great Again this year.

For example: In the next Young World Quiz (sponsored by a member of the Fake News Media), when the quizmaster asks, “What is the capital of Israel?” teams won’t know what to answer. Is it Jerusalem? It should be, because I say it is. Is it Tel Aviv, where the rest of the world’s embassies are? Crooked Hillary would certainly like it that way. Who knows? It’s Jerusalem. You just give that answer.

For a similar example: The answer to the question “What is the most populated city in the US?” is a moving target. In the time that it takes to be asked to Team 1, to check the pounces from Teams 3, 6, 7 and 8, to tell SRS to sit down, to take guesses, to go to the audience, and then to move to the answer slide that says “New York City,” Little Rocket Man could have launched a missile that has levelled most of Manhattan. The answer would then be “Los Angeles.” But of course, you’d have to know for sure that Los Angeles hasn’t been levelled as well. And you’d only know that if you’re Little Rocket Man himself. Are you? If so, why haven’t you paid your QFI subscription?

Other achievements that CNN’s liars won’t tell you: the economy is SOARING, the stock MARKET is at its highest in FIFteen years, and I’VE reformed how WORDS can be capitaliseD. This can be PUT to GOOD use in framing QUEStions! Such as: “Okay, So tell me Who wAs the kiLler of presiDent lincoln?” A team that has bribed you in advance will KNOW that the capital letters spell out the answer.

To celebrate these achievements, I am pleased to announce that the annual Ender Bender quiz will also be bigger than ever. Big. Yuge Crowds. Yuge. More than the numbers that attended during Obama’s presidency. It will be a quintessentially American affair: lots of BEER, slyly cheating teams (typical PATS behaviour), people pretending to know things they don’t know, quizmasters asking questions they scribbled down that morning, as if they were writing a tax bill. No guns, unfortunately, but if the DEMOCRATS stop obstructing my bills, we hope to introduce assault RIFLES next year.

We hope to see you all there. Merry Christmas, God bless quizzing, and God bless the Quiz Foundation of India.